I need a hug

After the traumas of last night, I think I am having a bad day. Here are the reasons.

1. My hair, again - I have screwed it up, tied it right back, and popped on a headband. I still feel a little teary and depressed about it this morning. Mum has booked the new hairdresser to come tomorrow evening to fix it, which has made me concerned that I will get a worse fringe (if that is possible) which will be shorter and harder to hide. Fingers crossed, touch wood and all that, that it goes ok tomorrow.

2. My car, for the 100th time - the morons at my insurance company allege that my car is all straightened out, and have the cheek to say they are sending it back to the cowboys who tried to fix it in the first place. I have told my mother in no uncertain terms that if they try to move my car from the good garage then I will sit on the bonnet and refuse to move. My parents are fed up with this too, and I don't think they would stop me. I'm that annoyed.

3. Work - my hand hurts because I spent most of the day taking something off a dictaphone (which was over 3000 words) and now I have a blister on the inside of my thumb, and my joints ache. It REALLY hurts, and now it even hurts to type. So as you can imagine I am shouting OUCH periodically as I write this.

4. Life in general - why not?

I don't know why everything is annoying me - perhaps I am hormonal? It's easy to blame a lot on hormones, but I do go from wanting to cry my eyes out over my hair to throttling my father when he is being sooooooo picky about my driving, which he can't see dents my fragile confidence.

I need a hug.

Horrible Hair

My hair has traumatised me - the reason? I've had a hair cut. We've had to have a new hairdresser because our old one is busy, and although my old hairdresser messed up my hair, she was starting to get it right. My fringe is horrible, it is virtually vertical, and covering my eye which I hate. I know I sound like a right drama queen, but I don't want to look at myself in the mirror or even touch my hair at the moment. I would quite happily rip all my hair out if that made me feel any happier. (Although I don't think I would look nice as a skinhead.) My hair is one of the few things that make me look nice, and I don't know why, but it really upsets me when haircuts go wrong. I suppose it's not really the new hairdressers fault, but her chatter didn't exactly help. I told her that I didn't have any GCSEs or qualifications because of my knee, and her reply was, "oh so you're lucky to have your job then" like I was thick. Nice. Then she asked me about whether I was going out with my friends at the weekend, and whether I have a boyfriend. "No" I said. I felt like saying "I'm not in touch with any of my old school friends because once I was partically disabled, they didn't want to know, and no, I don't have a boyfriend because all the guys I have encountered so far are morons with the IQ of an amoeba, and why do I need a boyfriend any way because I don't need one to make my life complete."
Of course I didn't say anything of that, and make some excuses, as well as explaining why I didn't go out drinking. Oh dear, I do sound like I am putting her down, and she was a lovely girl, but her choice of questions wasn't brilliant.

What is normal?

I wrote in an email the other day, that "I talk to dogs better than I talk to people". Although I don't have endless conversations with my dogs, it got me thinking. Sometimes (well most of the time) I prefer dogs to people. People are complicated, and most of the time I worry about saying the wrong thing. Some of the time I think I sound weird, even though people say I come across as confident. I sometimes can't find the right words, or I don't say what I mean. The words flow fluidly in my head - it's just having the confidence to say things out loud. I shouldn't really complain because I used to have zero confidence, and I just wouldn't have been able to do the stuff I'm doing now. I used to dream of a normal life when I was down, and it makes me feel a little teary to think that in some ways I have achieved that. People take normality for granted - but I never will.

dum de dum

At first I couldn't think what to write about - well what has happened in my life recently.
Then I remembered my car.
It has been 17 weeks since my car crash, and they STILL haven't fixed my car. After 17 weeks I now have a courtesy car - they couldn't even get the model of that right! Grrrrrrrr.

I swear that driving will take a few years off my life, as it stresses me out so much. I feel even worse when I have to drive by myself - my driving instructor says that I need a blow-up doll to sit beside me in the passenger seat - like Anita did in Dinnerladies to make her feel secure in the car. Her doll was called Malcolm - I don't think I'm quite ready for an inflatable friend quite yet!

(Found a car-shaped stress ball while looking for a picture for this entry - perhaps that might help!)

Brilliant Badger

This week's "Post of the Week" is written by Badger -

http://www.postoftheweek.com/posts/91

I wish I could blog as well as Badger - she maintains she can't write, which is utter tosh!

It's been a while.

I haven't written anything on my blog for a while - don't really know why, I'm just out of the habit. I thought I could write about a few bits and pieces that have been going on lately to try and get myself back in the habit. (Sounds like a great title for a movie about nuns!)

Today I drove a car for the first time since my crash. It was a pretty big deal for me, as being involved in a car crash shatteredd my confidence. I thought I might freak out in front of my driving instructor, but luckily I was surprisingly calm. It was helped by the fact that I got to drive the mini again, which is my favourite car. Just can't afford one, and the insurance is excruciating! It's probably going to be even more out of reach for me after my crash. It's been four months and I still haven't got my car back. (The car that I saved up forever for, and bought new.) Perhaps instead of thinking I could buy something nice, I should have just spent the money on a lifetime's supply of sweets, or just set alight to it:(

I know that I really should have written about my holiday, but I really can't be bothered.

I voted on the 3rd, and it turns out I accidently voted for a complete twit.

There is so much I else I want to say, but I can't really. Although no one will probably ever read my blog in a million years, I still can't write what I'm thinking. Other wise I might be in deep do-do!